Supporting a Child Experiencing Suicidal Ideation or Self-Harm
What to say when your child shares thoughts of suicide or self-harm: how to stay calm, ask directly, take every statement seriously, and find support.
Written by Sabrina Kalontarov, MHC-LP
If your child is in immediate danger, call 911. You can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time, day or night.
As parents, we hope to support our children as much as we can. Finding out that your child is dealing with thoughts of suicide or self-harm can feel overwhelming. It is natural for parents to feel shock, fear, or guilt during this time; however, your response in these crucial moments plays a vital role in shaping your child’s willingness to open up and feel safe.
If you’re reading this because your child has recently shared thoughts of suicide or you’ve noticed signs of self-harm, take a deep breath. Your child trusted you or allowed you to notice something wasn’t right. While it’s overwhelming, your response can make a meaningful difference.
Remaining Calm: Your Response Matters
While this is easier said than done, it is important to remain calm and be wary of your response. Children may often feel embarrassed or timid about sharing this information. Keeping a neutral reaction is important. The American Academy of Pediatrics reminds parents that it’s important to “respond with empathy and understanding” when a child shares suicidal thoughts. Instead of rushing to say, “You have so much to live for,” or “You don’t really mean that,” or “Why would you say something like that,” we can respond with: “Thank you for telling me,” or “I’m really glad you shared this with me,” or “Can you help me understand what you’ve been feeling?”
The goal is not to solve the problem right away; it’s crucial to allow them to feel safe and heard.
Addressing the Ideation
A common concern among parents is that bringing up suicide might introduce the thought to their child. However, research consistently proves otherwise. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “It’s OK to ask about suicide,” as doing so “will not ‘put the idea into their head’” (HealthyChildren.org, 2024).
Although these discussions may feel difficult, asking direct questions sends a powerful message: I am here for you, I am listening, and I am willing to talk about what you are experiencing. For many youth, having an adult ask with sincerity and care serves as a vital first step toward feeling understood and receiving help.
Take Every Statement Seriously
When faced with overwhelming news, experiencing initial denial is a completely understandable parent response. We naturally want to protect our youth from suffering, leading us to hope these distressing expressions are merely temporary phases or passing remarks. However, any comment regarding ending one’s life requires immediate, earnest attention, regardless of whether a teen later minimizes their words or seems to improve. Intrusive thoughts typically signify deep emotional distress, which young individuals frequently struggle to express fully. Instead of dismissing their behavior as dramatic or attention-seeking, treat these moments as critical opportunities to offer compassionate support and seek appropriate guidance. Addressing their feelings attentively demonstrates care without assuming imminent danger, ensuring they feel supported when reaching out.
Gentle Reminder
If your child opens up about thoughts of suicide or self-harm, remember that you don’t have to have all the right words. Your calm presence, willingness to listen, and decision to take their feelings seriously can make a profound difference. Reaching out for professional support is not a sign that you’ve failed as a parent; it’s a sign that you’re doing everything you can to help your child heal.
Sources
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024). Teen suicide risk: What parents need to know. HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Pages/teen-suicide-risk-what-parents-need-to-know.aspx
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024). What should I do if my child or teen is thinking about suicide? HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/tips-tools/ask-the-pediatrician/Pages/what-should-i-do-if-my-child-is-thinking-about-suicide.aspx
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024). Suicide prevention: 12 things parents can do. HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Pages/suicide-prevention-things-parents-can-do.aspx
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Suicide prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/prevention
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